Alexandria Cook's blog

A baby ? You ? LOL

I've only just got my head around the fact that I may or may not have an STD, then I have to do a pregnancy test because people have been saying I should because I've been sick for a couple of days just as one off's.

...so i did. and im not.

Which of course is a good thing, for everyone else.

Me, well im not to sure if im happy about it. I have no idea why, but I was just really disappointed. Part of me wanted it to be positive just for my sake, even though I'd have to get rid of it, it's still something thats mine, part of me. After this I dont think i could ever abort a baby.

The other part of me is glad but not for me or anyone one else, but for the baby because it wouldn't have had the best life, i cant afford to keep myself let alone anyone else, we'd more than likely be homeless, and truth is he'd want me to abort and if i couldn't where would that leave us.

It's just...Truth is I never thought I'd feel so attached to the idea of something that was never even there.

Clueless

you completely have no idea what's going on in my head right now, or my life for that matter. So do me a favor and quit having a go it kinda makes it worse. 

You do my head in would be a complete understatement.

99.5% of the time its a bad mood.

So I wish, that just for once it would be a good mood.

Truth of the matter is, Im scared right now, I feel ill, Im absolutely shitting myself about this, yeah you don't have the slightest clue, but I haven't felt this alone in a while. I could so easily break down right now, but Im stopping myself, because i simply just put fake tan on and don't really want an streaky face :)

It would be nice if instead of coming home like a raging bull in a china shop, because nothings gone your way, the house isn't fucking spotless and no-ones living by your rules anymore, if you could just simple come home and say hiya ? to much to ask, most definitely. 

The things you say when your in a mood, aren't the nicest and truth is I don't ever forget them because they hurt.

All you do is pick, you dont do anything, you haven't got a job, your spending to much money, it's okay for you to have your boyfriend in your bed all day but when it comes to doing something for me ... blah blah blah. I still think you need to grow up that little bit more because yeah you dont have a go at me as much as you used to but thats just because im hardly here, when I am you more than make up for it believe me & tbh im fed up of coming home and having it so i stay out, even in my car on my own sometimes. 

I've been such a dick.

I didn't want this at all. All we've done is argue and yeah it's my fault, because I've had a shit week so I've just been sensitive and just fustrated. I dont ever want to break up with you i've told you that, I know how much you love me and believe me I wouldn't act the way I do if I didn't love you more than anything. I feel really twatish for acting like a knob last night I didnt want to argue but I was annoyed at you because I went out with you and only saw you like twice, yeah my friend were there but they left on my own to go get off with boys & even when they were there all I was doing was looking because I want to be with you, not them. This was supposed to be our 'us' weekend so when im out with you im out with you my friends didn't matter, Im just disappionted because I thought it'd be nice to be out just us again but everytime we plan to do that people get in the way. Im just sorry I feel shit because of it.

Guess this means your gone right?

You know I thought I'd never be okay without my bestfriend by my side. But all of a sudden there's another person in the wolrd that knows me better than you do. And I actually don't care anymore, you dont care about me, all you care about is signing on, shopping then going out and getting drunk & possibly shagging or meeting someone, something like that. But now all of a sudden you did something that, if someone finds out they'll never forgive you for, and you want me to go out all the time with oyu both, just for me to be there to stop you from putting your foot in it, or so you dont have to sit and listen to her talk about the exact tihng you did wrong without knowing. Your feeling guilty so you want to use me as your safety net. Well no I have a life & Yes I would rather spend time with my boyfriend because I actually trust and care about him these days, Where as you, theres nothing to care about, you do everything for a reaction & im fed up of reacting to your fucked up shit.

I cant...

Sometimes when we fight, I think maybe I should just let you leave and push you out of my life...
But I don't decide, cause I know that I just can't survive without you
& I know inside I never let you go cause I'm sure your the one
Even through the rain it's clear, your the one I want
& no matter how we fuss and fight, you should always know
I just can't stop loving you

 

 

Forever & Always

In your arms I can still feel the way you want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered when you told me
"I can stay right here forever in your arms."

My future started with a look, a hug, a kiss.

Then I felt it. That feeling where your falling & don't want anyone to stop you.

When you look at them you just know, that's who has your heart, that's who you want your life to be with.

I know this sounds really stupid because im only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me blah blah blah, but there's something about us, I dont know what it is, but its different, different from what people have told me to expect, different from what I've seen, good different.

It's like I look at you and just smile, I think about you and I get butterflies - even after 6 months, the excitement and feelings havn't faded, I don't want them too, ever. I wake up in the morning just to look out my window and see you go to work, I watch you go past and I just have the biggest grin on my face because your mine :]

I just love everything single little thing about you :]

Even when we argue or annoy each other, one of us always gives in because we just cant bare it. I can't bare not to talk to you or just hold you. And if we're away from each other and we argue it just makes me want to see you because I just want to run and hug you, because none of it really matters, your what matters to me, not stupid little problems or arguements I cause.

 

<3

babe all i want is that you do the best you can in what you do and i dont want to be the one who holds you back i want to hold your hand all the way i want to be there when you graduate i want to be your boyfriend and i want to be there for you

you dont realise how much you love someone until they surprise you and say something like this, something that just makes you want to be with them forever, something that just makes me smile. someone for once just wants me to be happy, someone will do anything to make me happy, who wants me to do everything i want and still be by my side. i cant even explain how much i've fallen in love with you, there are, for once, actually no words & i like it.

we dont go backwards, we go forward; together.

Sit & stare.

Watching you sleep is about the best thing in the world,

It makes "us" seem all that more surreal.

Im sat here watching you and I can't help but have the biggest smile on my face because I know that your mine.

It reminds me of how much I love you & how much you mean to me. Its peaceful to just sit and watch.

To me I still can't believe your mine, your here with me & asleep in my bed. Sound asleep.

Watching you makes me fall in love with you a little more every minute.

I love you.

Pehh

I feel so left out, I tihnk its completely safe to say I've lost my best friend.

I thought it'd be okay I'd go out with my boyfriend one time, and see you lot later, everythign would be good.

But it wasn't and you don't seem to care.